Sometimes you wake up feeling indifferent. Sometimes you wake up at 5:30 because your 1 year old doesn’t have respect for sleep (I’m kidding). Sometimes you find yourself nursing a baby and changing a poopie diaper before you have even brewed your coffee. Sometimes you are trying to write a blog and you hear the shower curtain fall down and just think ugh another thing (this just happened).
Today Andrew was feeling the drag of the week. He was able to take today off from his nine to five so that way we could take advantage of the good weather (that sounded like something a homesteader would say). We have a goal of getting our chicken enclosure finished by this Sunday because the 20 chicks in our bathroom are not so small anymore. Our tasks were harvesting trees to cut into 7 foot posts (22 posts in total), finish trenching where the fencing material will go, dig all of the holes for the posts and get the posts into place.
Listen, my husband works hard. He is one of the hardest working people I know. But this morning, I guess when the sun started to peek through the curtains in our bedroom, he just wasn’t ready to get started. His brain was fried.
He was quiet. While he got ready for our long day ahead, there wasn’t much morning conversation. I asked him how he was feeling and he replied with, “I’m just tired.”
I didn’t have many healthy relationships before Andrew, and I guess that you could say that in the ten years of marriage I have had to learn to communicate. Hold on, I want to get granular.
As a young lady (if I ever was one lol), I struggled with anxiety and knowing who I was and what I stood for. I was a people pleaser. I never positioned my opinions and I definitely was in my head a lot. Being rejected and neglected in other relationships created a person who always needed to fix it. The “it” could be an assortment of situations.
But over the last ten years, I learned that it wasn’t me. For someone who is so intuitive, it took a lot of time to realize that sometimes people just need some space to work through how they feel. The irony of this is that I was this person too (insert face palm emoji). I have learned that I can go about my day with out taking things personally when someones behaviors aren’t even about me. I think a lot of this is due to the fact that I always identified as a peacemaker (I’m not getting into that today) growing up.
So, I gave him a hug, and guess what I did…I went about my day. So did he.
I put Zoe in the baby carrier, went outside and started on the tiller. Andrew went straight to cutting down the trees that we needed.
I kept looking at him from a distance just to make sure that he was ok (I can’t help myself, I love him). And unsurprisingly, he was doing just fine.
An hour or so went by and the morning was picking up. Our exchanges were back to normal and we had gotten pretty far on our project.
One of the phrases I like to use instead of asking “are you ok?” is “just wanna check in and see how you are doing?”. So I did that, and he communicated to me that he has been so busy that it was just hard to get going this morning. I told him that I could see how he would feel that way and I thanked him for being part of the day. For showing up and getting the project done.
The rest of the day was on the up and up (besides this gnarly sun burn I’m currently sporting).
I had it in my mind to talk about this today because knowing how to communicate with your spouse, or anyone for that matter is not a one size fits all. I could have had it in my head that today wasn’t going to be a “good day” if I had taken his demeanor personally. I had to listen to him and not plot my ways of making it right. Because there was nothing to make right.
Sometimes we are so preoccupied with coming up with a response, that we don’t even hear what the other person is saying.
What I now know to be true is that in a relationship, we need to always say thank you. Always let the other person know that we value their time and are so thankful and happy that they are there with you. Sometimes people need their space to work through emotions that have nothing to do with you, so don’t push, or else it could end up becoming something else.
Now, we are sitting in bed, I’m doing this and he is watching a show next to me. Today could have gone differently if I didn’t give my husband the space he needed to get going. But today was a really good day.
Today can still be a good day.